I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
