Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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