its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
