You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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