It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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