I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
