I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
did i just pee glitter
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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