you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
