wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
