I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
