he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
