hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
