Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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