I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
