he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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