I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it penis luge time yet?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
