I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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