I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
