Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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