worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
