Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
