I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Randomize
