My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
