My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
