I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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