i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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