Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize