Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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