Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
