I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
