a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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