i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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