I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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