My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
