We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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