Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
