Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pants are for mortals
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
