At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
