Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
