Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
