I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
