Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
