Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
