for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
