so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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