I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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