Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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