I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize