similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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