R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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