and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
