I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
