i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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