Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
