Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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