I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
