Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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