so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You're like the curious george of whores
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
