I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Blood and glitter go together right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
