I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
