What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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