At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
