Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
