I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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